just you
the thunderstorm came and clapped
and passed through like gods
practicing my animal ears
until i could take a deep
and fearless nap
of dreams
i woke up wanting
just you
all over again
//
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
but however many
as happen (tugchanein)
not
(to be) loving (eran)
and otherwise
through excellence (arete)
passed through (prassen)
those they want (dein)
//
ὅσοι δὲ μὴ ἐρῶντες ἔτυχον
ἀλλὰ δι᾽ ἀρετὴν ἔπραξαν ὧν ἐδέοντο
//
this limasan is not a terror dream
(or how i came to Potro Joyo House)
strange and for a few years
maybe 2018 to 2022
(i moved to Indonesia in 2019)
i dreamed mostly about a flood
lately we live on the sawah
and i dream of earthquakes
(what happened in 2023 was
the dream to build a temple
transparently that is the one
that grabbed me by the throat
that was a hard-yanked chain
to re-make my heart pounding)
anyway i am in a skyscraper
(in tv cities like Philadelphia)
it starts to quake
the building sways as i rush down
the stairs or ladders or chutes or waterfalls
until i come spilling out into the street
well my dreams are hacks
last night as i ran out i looked up and saw
the tower sinuous begin to buckle
and bricks were busting a volcanic bubble
as i ran down the mountain to escape
the expanding smoke and debris
this limasan is not a terror dream
i do not wake up in a fright
(no real nightmares since U.S. America)
but they are disaster dreams
just now maybe like working it out
or making something from dream rubble
and last night it was a real earthquake
not too distant not too deep a 4.6
our home is a cathedral of teakwood
beloved architect vernacular
when it jiggles his bending pillars sound uncanny
old joints of salvage living in the ring of fire
//
the maskmaker writes
like gotong royong
& Hong Ulun Basuki Langgeng
🇮🇩
stranger like desire
you will come
into the desert
to know me
you will touch me like a stranger
as many strokes
as many surfaces
as many names
as many hungry palms
as your servant can carry
so empty this
your lick across the burning sand
electricity of my thirst
//
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
you will come (hekein)
into difference (diaphora)
with them
// 232δ
ἥξεις αὐτοῖς εἰς διαφοράν
//
red (palm) sugar
you will come
into the dessert
to taste them
you will eat fried plantains
ripened until soft and sweet
crunchy with red sugar
too hot for wasted time
i almost burn my tongue
flesh tender and yellow
greasy fingers with coconut
oil and sticky lips
but did you really
//
iced kepo
iced kepo is freshly-squeezed
orange juice with just-cracked
coconut water over ice
on a hot
day before the rain
comes
maybe the traffics religion is
theres something superficial
about s-e-x
//
(kepo also means gossip)
//
🌔
//
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
and if examining (skopeein)
what is your own
you have a thought (phroneein)
better than theirs
// 232δ
ἐὰν δὲ τὸ σεαυτοῦ σκοπῶν ἄμεινον ἐκείνων φρονῇς
connective tissue
in the human body
there is the hard
there is the soft
there is connective tissue
i feel for her
i let her flee
i let her come
around again we try
the valley reaches for
as many
as yet unnamed
as make it through her lips
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
so having persuaded you
to be hated
by these
they set you down
in a desert (eremia)
of loved ones (philos)
// 232δ
πείσαντες μὲν οὖν ἀπεχθέσθαι σε τούτοις
εἰς ἐρημίαν φίλων καθιστᾶσιν
//
the beloveds embrace (on fitnah)
so having persuaded you
to be hated
by these
they set you down
in a desert
heart
to show the tranquility
of gold
by fire
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
and of ones who possess (ktaomai)
some other good
they guard (phulassein)
the power (dunamis)
of each
// 232ξ
τῶν δὲ ἄλλο τι κεκτημένων ἀγαθὸν
τὴν δύναμιν ἑκάστου φυλάττονται
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
and (fearing)
those who have been educated (paideuein)
that they would become (gignomai)
stronger (kreisson)
by togetherness (sunesis)
// 232ξ
τοὺς δὲ πεπαιδευμένους μὴ συνέσει κρείττους γένωνται
//
so i light a stick of the good dupa
then i explore your tender body for chora
gently gratified
i make a note for the future
the cave moment
i find myself re-enacting the moment
i place my hand palm out and fingers spread
as if to touch the limestone interior
then i pretend to take some liquid ochre in my mouth
and purse my lips and pfff — spit it
across the imaginary surface
and as i do i taste the tastelessness of mud
like the hermetic chamber of the cave
becomes a rock-womb for our trembling
then i examine my hand with its fingers spread
for any sign of change
i see that everything has changed
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
fearing
those who possess (ktaomai)
property (ousia)
that they would overshoot (huper-ballein) them
with possessions (chremata)
/
fearing
those who possess (ktaomai)
being (ousia)
that they would overshoot (huper-ballein) them
with sembako (chremata)
// 232ξ
φοβούμενοι τοὺς μὲν οὐσίαν κεκτημένους
μὴ χρήμασιν αὐτοὺς ὑπερβάλωνται
//
inspired by this
how can a knot
someday we can visit
the cave on Muna Island
to see the ancient rock art
the coffee cup
the pencil
a lock of hair
these things pass through your hand
and terrify me
with their solidity
your grasp of the vast and empty
and i by my vanity
struck silent
my brown egg cracked
by press of feather
into the dawn
or
my blue marble warming
into the seventy-thousand-year-old pocket
of your stencilled intention
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
because of which they turn away (apo-trepein)
the loved ones’ (eran)
communing together (sun-ousia)
with others
// 232ξ
διόπερ καὶ τὰς πρὸς τοὺς ἄλλους τῶν ἐρωμένων συνουσίας ἀποτρέπουσιν
the momentary terrible
i face the sea
im drawn to play
i face away
im pushed back to the ever-war
i close my eyes
there is a cry
when i go in
its all of me and nobody
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
for many
are
the things that pain them
and all
that comes to be (gignomai)
they own (nomizein)
as their own harm
// 232ξ
πολλὰ γὰρ αὐτούς ἐστι τὰ λυποῦντα
καὶ πάντ᾽ ἐπὶ τῇ αὑτῶν βλάβῃ νομίζουσι γίγνεσθαι
//
or
and all
that comes to be (gignomai)
they consider to be (nomizein)
for their own harm
//
in the hieron
the legacy of Alcibiades
i cant forget the mutilated herms
and glitter-ruining the sleeping streets
his point-and-shot defection from a dream
but i never saw such a beautiful city
as when standing vigil on the battlefield
his silent party drinks the wine-stained dawn
and i will never see such a beautiful city
as when my knees buckled by your ivy wreath
so i lie with dancing girls for Achelous
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
in likelihood (eikotos)
you would fear lovers (eran)
more
// 232ξ
εἰκότως ἂν τοὺς ἐρῶντας μᾶλλον ἂν φοβοῖο
//
animal ownership
i am in love
with a real animal
she feels strangely familiar
she feels strangely kind
i am drawn
by her steady warmth
by her interior calm
she seems to understand
i am tempted
to bring her home
i want her to be safe
i am afraid she is not safe
i am bound
by animal ownership
my dog is not my dog
she is her own beach dog
//
disproportionate luxury
my three cats are
as kept-healthy housecats
i daily reckon a deep
irresponsibility
//
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
but that
when you have given over
those things which you make (poieein)
the most of (peri pleistou)
great harm
comes to be (gignomai)
for you
// 232ξ
προεμένου δέ σου ἃ περὶ πλείστου ποιῇ
μεγάλην ἄν σοι βλάβην ἂν γενέσθαι
//
dessert first (so low)
dessert first (so low)
it’s the way of a house
to wait
the weight
of when whispers / trying
to squeeze the quiet
from the day
task bar doesn’t move
watching, unblinking,
as the blue
thunderstorm gets lost
among tossing limbs
wanting, not wanting
its magic entourage
to disappear
before the night / goes
permissive
lines in waiting
falling
s
e
e
d
s
bodies on the floor:
the / irrefutable
conclusion
i know now not
to try / to count
the grains
i know
by the way you hover
pale
and wonderful
and unexpected — so low
to the roof tops
//
selamat Idulfitri / ‘Eid mubarak 🌙
//
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