just you

the thunderstorm came and clapped
and passed through like gods
practicing my animal ears

until i could take a deep
and fearless nap
of dreams

i woke up wanting
just you
all over again

//

Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)

but however many
as happen (tugchanein)
not
(to be) loving (eran)

and otherwise
through excellence (arete)
passed through (prassen)
those they want (dein)

//

ὅσοι δὲ μὴ ἐρῶντες ἔτυχον

ἀλλὰ δι᾽ ἀρετὴν ἔπραξαν ὧν ἐδέοντο

//

this limasan is not a terror dream
(or how i came to Potro Joyo House)

strange and for a few years
maybe 2018 to 2022
(i moved to Indonesia in 2019)
i dreamed mostly about a flood

lately we live on the sawah
and i dream of earthquakes


(what happened in 2023 was
the dream to build a temple
transparently that is the one
that grabbed me by the throat
that was a hard-yanked chain
to re-make my heart pounding)


anyway i am in a skyscraper
(in tv cities like Philadelphia)
it starts to quake

the building sways as i rush down
the stairs or ladders or chutes or waterfalls
until i come spilling out into the street


well my dreams are hacks

last night as i ran out i looked up and saw
the tower sinuous begin to buckle
and bricks were busting a volcanic bubble

as i ran down the mountain to escape
the expanding smoke and debris


this limasan is not a terror dream
i do not wake up in a fright
(no real nightmares since U.S. America)

but they are disaster dreams
just now maybe like working it out
or making something from dream rubble


and last night it was a real earthquake
not too distant not too deep a 4.6

our home is a cathedral of teakwood
beloved architect vernacular
when it jiggles his bending pillars sound uncanny
old joints of salvage living in the ring of fire


//

the maskmaker writes
like gotong royong
& Hong Ulun Basuki Langgeng
🇮🇩

stranger like desire

you will come
into the desert
to know me

you will touch me like a stranger
as many strokes
as many surfaces

as many names
as many hungry palms
as your servant can carry

so empty this
your lick across the burning sand
electricity of my thirst

//

Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)

you will come (hekein)
into difference (diaphora)
with them

// 232δ

ἥξεις αὐτοῖς εἰς διαφοράν

//

red (palm) sugar

you will come
into the dessert
to taste them

you will eat fried plantains
ripened until soft and sweet
crunchy with red sugar

too hot for wasted time
i almost burn my tongue
flesh tender and yellow

greasy fingers with coconut
oil and sticky lips
but did you really

//

iced kepo

iced kepo is freshly-squeezed
orange juice with just-cracked
coconut water over ice

on a hot
day before the rain
comes

maybe the traffics religion is
theres something superficial
about s-e-x

//

(kepo also means gossip)

//

🌔

//

Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)

and if examining (skopeein)
what is your own

you have a thought (phroneein)
better than theirs

// 232δ

ἐὰν δὲ τὸ σεαυτοῦ σκοπῶν ἄμεινον ἐκείνων φρονῇς

connective tissue

in the human body
there is the hard
there is the soft
there is connective tissue

i feel for her
i let her flee
i let her come
around again we try

the valley reaches for
as many
as yet unnamed
as make it through her lips

Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)

so having persuaded you
to be hated
by these

they set you down
in a desert (eremia)
of loved ones (philos)

// 232δ

πείσαντες μὲν οὖν ἀπεχθέσθαι σε τούτοις

εἰς ἐρημίαν φίλων καθιστᾶσιν

//

the beloveds embrace (on fitnah)

so having persuaded you
to be hated
by these

they set you down
in a desert
heart

to show the tranquility
of gold
by fire

photo is at a beach with dark grey speckled with beige sand taken at the edge of the foamy water; it overlooks a brownish-black dog sitting below the camera, looking toward the water, wearing something yellow tied around her neck, with a few paw prints around her; and some kind of pale-colored sea fan washed up on the shore.

by the dog //

eta

🌓

Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)

and of ones who possess (ktaomai)
some other good

they guard (phulassein)
the power (dunamis)
of each

// 232ξ

τῶν δὲ ἄλλο τι κεκτημένων ἀγαθὸν

τὴν δύναμιν ἑκάστου φυλάττονται

will i

impervious to teachers
beaten by brute force
fumbling my veil
being a fool

flower
for you

Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)

and (fearing)
those who have been educated (paideuein)

that they would become (gignomai)
stronger (kreisson)
by togetherness (sunesis)

// 232ξ

τοὺς δὲ πεπαιδευμένους μὴ συνέσει κρείττους γένωνται

//

so i light a stick of the good dupa
then i explore your tender body for chora
gently gratified
i make a note for the future

the cave moment

i find myself re-enacting the moment
i place my hand palm out and fingers spread
as if to touch the limestone interior

then i pretend to take some liquid ochre in my mouth
and purse my lips and pfff — spit it
across the imaginary surface

and as i do i taste the tastelessness of mud
like the hermetic chamber of the cave
becomes a rock-womb for our trembling

then i examine my hand with its fingers spread
for any sign of change
i see that everything has changed

Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)

fearing
those who possess (ktaomai)
property (ousia)

that they would overshoot (huper-ballein) them
with possessions (chremata)

/

fearing
those who possess (ktaomai)
being (ousia)

that they would overshoot (huper-ballein) them
with sembako (chremata)

// 232ξ

φοβούμενοι τοὺς μὲν οὐσίαν κεκτημένους

μὴ χρήμασιν αὐτοὺς ὑπερβάλωνται

//

inspired by this

how can a knot

someday we can visit
the cave on Muna Island
to see the ancient rock art

the coffee cup
the pencil
a lock of hair

these things pass through your hand
and terrify me
with their solidity

your grasp of the vast and empty
and i by my vanity
struck silent

my brown egg cracked
by press of feather
into the dawn

or

my blue marble warming
into the seventy-thousand-year-old pocket
of your stencilled intention

Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)

because of which they turn away (apo-trepein)
the loved ones’ (eran)
communing together (sun-ousia)
with others

// 232ξ

διόπερ καὶ τὰς πρὸς τοὺς ἄλλους τῶν ἐρωμένων συνουσίας ἀποτρέπουσιν

the momentary terrible

photo of the beach with calm green-blue water frothing up onto brownish black sand, the horizon near the middle of the image, and the sky blue and full of lofty white clouds, and maybe a rainstorm in the distance.

i face the sea
im drawn to play

i face away
im pushed back to the ever-war

i close my eyes
there is a cry

when i go in
its all of me and nobody

Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)

for many
are
the things that pain them

and all
that comes to be (gignomai)
they own (nomizein)
as their own harm

// 232ξ

πολλὰ γὰρ αὐτούς ἐστι τὰ λυποῦντα

καὶ πάντ᾽ ἐπὶ τῇ αὑτῶν βλάβῃ νομίζουσι γίγνεσθαι

//

or

and all
that comes to be (gignomai)
they consider to be (nomizein)
for their own harm

//

in the hieron

the legacy of Alcibiades

i cant forget the mutilated herms
and glitter-ruining the sleeping streets
his point-and-shot defection from a dream

but i never saw such a beautiful city
as when standing vigil on the battlefield
his silent party drinks the wine-stained dawn

and i will never see such a beautiful city
as when my knees buckled by your ivy wreath
so i lie with dancing girls for Achelous

Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)

in likelihood (eikotos)
you would fear lovers (eran)
more

// 232ξ

εἰκότως ἂν τοὺς ἐρῶντας μᾶλλον ἂν φοβοῖο

//

animal ownership

i am in love
with a real animal
she feels strangely familiar
she feels strangely kind

i am drawn
by her steady warmth
by her interior calm
she seems to understand

i am tempted
to bring her home
i want her to be safe
i am afraid she is not safe

i am bound
by animal ownership
my dog is not my dog
she is her own beach dog

//

disproportionate luxury

my three cats are
as kept-healthy housecats
i daily reckon a deep
irresponsibility

//

Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)

but that
when you have given over
those things which you make (poieein)
the most of (peri pleistou)

great harm
comes to be (gignomai)
for you

// 232ξ

προεμένου δέ σου ἃ περὶ πλείστου ποιῇ

μεγάλην ἄν σοι βλάβην ἂν γενέσθαι

//

dessert first (so low)

dessert first (so low)