Yoga
The first day back after convalescence is like Mercurial sunrise, the inner landscape a chiaroscuro of white-on-black sensation. Limits touching, resolutions in release, the lost body regains shape in a polyphony of pain. The clarity is mesmerizing but cruel. It’s easier to injure unpracticed flesh.
Let go of what? The frozen-shut psoas and illiacus, the clenched-fist side of my diaphragm, which hold everything else hostage, being unable to exhale for possibly forty years has been an adventure, yes and, I’m glad its almost over. Let go of what? The need to name the thing that must be let go of.
Didn’t practice yoga for almost a week because I got sick after our return from Java, again, a body rebells against exposure and exertion. Now my nerves and tissues feel foreign inside me, insolent and funky-twisted. Preparing mentally to resume tomorrow. The hardest thing (as always) is to let go.
Never let anybody tell you where your breath should go. It doesn’t matter what famous gurus say. Yoga yamas, niyamas, asana are preparation for the revolutionary lesson of pranayama. There is no outside authority for the breath.
Yoga days 5 and 6 completed, I wanted to let you know, although family demands have temporarily disenabled writing. I was thinking how writing is a luxury, you can only do it if you have extra time. What that means is a mystery though. Extra means more than enough. Who has more than enough time?
Was gently reminded by yoga day 4 that progress sometimes feels like confusion. Then Ish caught a baby monitor lizard right before headstand. Dangerous if they bite, I (sweaty) gingerly separated cats from lizard, wrangled lizard (alive) into a towel and deposited in the ravine. Savasana deserved.
Woke at 2, big loud soaking rain, couldn’t sleep. Too many thoughts and edits of thoughts too fast. Ah, hormonal insomnia. Best to let it go and soothe the nerves. Did light reading, a little writing, sipping coffee in the dark. Ish came to cuddle. Summoning courage for day 3 yoga. Then a nap. Yes.
Felt a little progress in my yoga practice today, unusual for day 2.
Progress: finding a new way into an old problem.
Slept late, woken at 6 by Ish. Small rain overnight, overcast now. Less flu-y because didn’t use ac? Jeki was almost sweet about eardrops this morning, only a few growls. Then wanted cuddle. Everyone ate breakfast (except me). Saw Blih, brief chat. Day 2 of 6-day yoga week. I’m ready.
Woke up at 4, coffee. Felt flu-y, probably from mold. Gave Jeki ear mite drops, barely. Ish didn’t want breakfast. Startled by centipede in kitchen sink. Liberated centipede. Made amends with Jeki, she tried to drink my coffee. Hope she’s ok. I miss E. Time for yoga.