Pharmakon

    broken poem / ugly poem

    broken poem

    if this presents itself to you
    that friendship is not born
    unless somebody happens
    to be hungry for your heart

    if this presents itself to you
    that children are not made
    much
    nor are fathers and mothers

    if this presents itself to you
    finding your heart in need
    and needing to acquire
    a trustworthy friend

    i believe you
    i do not wonder why
    i have been there too

    but this
    is not that place

    so

    make me
    a broken poem


    //

    Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)

    then if this presents (itself) (paristanai) to you

    that such strong friendship (ischuran philian)
    is not born (gignomai)
    unless someone happens (tugchanein)
    to be loving (eros)

    it is necessary (chre)
    to (go) into the heart (en-thumeisthai)

    that neither would we make (poieein)
    children
    about much (peri pollou)
    nor fathers and mothers

    nor would we have acquired (ktaomai)
    trustworthy (pistos)
    friends (philos)

    who have become (gignomai) such
    not from desire (epi-thumia)

    but from other (heteron)
    practices (epi-tedeumaton)

    // 233ξ

    εἰ δ᾽ ἄρα σοι τοῦτο παρέστηκεν

    ὡς οὐχ οἷόν τε ἰσχυρὰν φιλίαν γενέσθαι

    ἐὰν μή τις ἐρῶν τυγχάνῃ

    ἐνθυμεῖσθαι χρὴ

    ὅτι οὔτ᾽ ἂν τοὺς ὑεῖς περὶ πολλοῦ ἐποιούμεθα
    οὔτ᾽ ἂν τοὺς πατέρας καὶ τὰς μητέρας

    οὔτ᾽ ἂν πιστοὺς φίλους ἐκεκτήμεθα

    οἳ οὐκ ἐξ ἐπιθυμίας τοιαύτης γεγόνασιν

    ἀλλ᾽ ἐξ ἑτέρων ἐπιτηδευμάτων

    //

    ugly poem

    lettuce share
    sandwich of ends

    open-face
    if-only

    our eggs are smeared
    with chickenshit
    no lie

    look at all those words

    does it mean
    i can take
    the weekend off now

    does it mean
    my broken poem
    is being swallowed up

    (may it
    be so)

    and digested by
    the ugly one

    you turn
    me into

    //

    🌓

    Saxophone Appreciation Day

    a person is (still)
    a possibility
    of change.

    one day on earth (again)
    a kind comedian
    or a possibly retired RN
    remade me by    scattered      clouds

    ever since then
    its like i was given
    a tiny    floating      pill         (pill)

    but dont blame him.
    Bognet is also Like
    the times. goes out
    and in, mudworks
    the hardly-forgiven
    swallower-set-whole.

    of a tiny rubber boot,
    of preservation,
    of a soul.

    but i think they got it right.
    That once you hear
    and train your ear-
    Pore on that Play-
    out thats Really
    In, that

    Saxophone —


    it gets you
    by the vowels,
    by those star-
    climbing
    Bowels.


        and doesnt ever set
        you down!


    //

    Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)

    for such as these
    are the demonstrations (epideiknomai)
    of love (eros)

    // 233β

    τοιαῦτα γὰρ ὁ ἔρως ἐπιδείκνυται

    //

    to out of my pores by coldscars
    and You would be forgiven by Michael Julius

    (how could one not
    be grateful
    to be feasted
    with such clouds)

    with Aristophanes “The Clouds”
    “The Saxophone Song” by Kate Bush

    Black Lives
    Black Thought
    Black Music

    and of Socrates lore
    from Plato’s “Symposium”
    when the beloveds ridiculous

    body sits beside
    in conversation with
    the comic poet

    //

    🌘

    stranger like desire

    you will come
    into the desert
    to know me

    you will touch me like a stranger
    as many strokes
    as many surfaces

    as many names
    as many hungry palms
    as your servant can carry

    so empty this
    your lick across the burning sand
    electricity of my thirst

    //

    Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)

    you will come (hekein)
    into difference (diaphora)
    with them

    // 232δ

    ἥξεις αὐτοῖς εἰς διαφοράν

    //

    red (palm) sugar

    you will come
    into the dessert
    to taste them

    you will eat fried plantains
    ripened until soft and sweet
    crunchy with red sugar

    too hot for wasted time
    i almost burn my tongue
    flesh tender and yellow

    greasy fingers with coconut
    oil and sticky lips
    but did you really

    //

    iced kepo

    iced kepo is freshly-squeezed
    orange juice with just-cracked
    coconut water over ice

    on a hot
    day before the rain
    comes

    maybe the traffics religion is
    theres something superficial
    about s-e-x

    //

    (kepo also means gossip)

    //

    🌔

    //

    Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)

    so having persuaded you
    to be hated
    by these

    they set you down
    in a desert (eremia)
    of loved ones (philos)

    // 232δ

    πείσαντες μὲν οὖν ἀπεχθέσθαι σε τούτοις

    εἰς ἐρημίαν φίλων καθιστᾶσιν

    //

    the beloveds embrace (on fitnah)

    so having persuaded you
    to be hated
    by these

    they set you down
    in a desert
    heart

    to show the tranquility
    of gold
    by fire

    photo is at a beach with dark grey speckled with beige sand taken at the edge of the foamy water; it overlooks a brownish-black dog sitting below the camera, looking toward the water, wearing something yellow tied around her neck, with a few paw prints around her; and some kind of pale-colored sea fan washed up on the shore.

    by the dog //

    eta

    🌓

    the cave moment

    i find myself re-enacting the moment
    i place my hand palm out and fingers spread
    as if to touch the limestone interior

    then i pretend to take some liquid ochre in my mouth
    and purse my lips and pfff — spit it
    across the imaginary surface

    and as i do i taste the tastelessness of mud
    like the hermetic chamber of the cave
    becomes a rock-womb for our trembling

    then i examine my hand with its fingers spread
    for any sign of change
    i see that everything has changed

    animal ownership

    i am in love
    with a real animal
    she feels strangely familiar
    she feels strangely kind

    i am drawn
    by her steady warmth
    by her interior calm
    she seems to understand

    i am tempted
    to bring her home
    i want her to be safe
    i am afraid she is not safe

    i am bound
    by animal ownership
    my dog is not my dog
    she is her own beach dog

    //

    disproportionate luxury

    my three cats are
    as kept-healthy housecats
    i daily reckon a deep
    irresponsibility

    //

    Phaedrus: (as Lysias, so far)

    around (peri)
    my circumstances (pragmata)
    you know (epistomai)

    and what i believe (nomizein)
    to be bringing together (sumpherein)
    for us

    these (pragmata)
    having come to be (gignomai)

    you have heard (akouein)

    and i deem it (axioein)
    un(-fitting)
    to lack these (pragmata?)

    by way of this miss-
    happening (a-tuchein)

    that i do not happen (ouk tugchanein)
    to be being (on)
    your lover (erastes)

    //

    230ε - 231a

    //

    banded sea krait or
    the great cartographer
    general administer of
    these

    //

    thremmata

    corpse pose again, is it for real this time, as i
    down to the underworld for Hades lower table
    descend, the darker cloud of somebodys forever
    to a banquet feast of charred fat strewn with ashes

    i sit before the offering of my own left shin
    my tender bone is bowing its familiar flaw
    my meat is dripping ratios from the burning violin
    i eat it all, although my name is not Issa

    as eat the dead, by whispers, one million and seven
    then i look down to find beast-legs with chestnut hair
    my knuckled shanks uncrossed, my hooves are lightning-cloven
    my kept creature walks on two or four, tall-horned

    whose crescent shavings will be ground into the rock
    whose name is leaving many by the blade of one

    //

    and the rod

    Black Ajax bitter on my left
    Red Ajax blooded on my right
    grim speechless my bronze-armored kin
    by serpent held Asclepian

    //

    the good shit

    for Petals in her present pleasure zone
    she’s rolling round inside the one, the good shit
    the fine, the best, ye olde Platonic shit
    no hydroponic, just sanctified dank

    under Sumatran sun; for snub-nosed exodus
    in summers mud, her laurel wreath of sticky bud
    up drug botanical by trashy magazine
    like chocolate pharma-chronic feuilletine

    and toke thine truffled nugget whilst ye may
    my silk-eared pig for liplined valentine
    today her carrot conversation hearts the play
    her eats the emptiness of tools as feels divine

    //

    E=m11!1

    //

    🌒

    consistere

    psst — the monsters are all in evidence over here
    many with their sights on you, can you not see them?
    maybe they don’t wear chaos like your command
    or ugliness as your specification; maybe in love
    they can’t afford to show the truth; some have been known
    to flatter relentlessly the passing beauty; or even
    to dress up as their own negation, pretending tools
    or fancy chairs or helpless little girls; and many
    renouncing love or beauty altogether; but nobody
    is sorry; nobody knows that everybody
    is swallowed up by someone by the end; and nobody
    is more monstrous than mercy, or more self-same

    still; if you want it darker, we can totally kill the flame
    but the poet will kill it for us in six or seven lines

    //

    xox

    special delivery

    smooth now, that rough magic
    periscopic tragic midnight lookout

    pale arms out arctic like an exiled
    penguin into the nameless city

    coping, cold, gauze in a sand storm
    laron flicker in the mighty dust

    a turning ember, hot
    spark-caught, gold-litter

    in the spider web
    spanning a rattan lamp shade

    my one fish, two fish
    her peacock greenish-black or blue

    the switch, dangling
    sarcophagus

    so dead; quothe the neon miracle
    off-gassing meatlight; or Lalah

    pink, with only enough instinct
    to kill and never eat, my baby, yes;

    deveining ribbons in the snow, scrubbed
    scrubbing, awash in the darkroom; or

    backstage, up rusty rungs, like icicles; blanket
    of rags, pocket of candy-wrapped pills; she goes

    like gamelan trancing crickets at the cross
    by tilem, smoke of incense over the sawah

    //

    a mystery

    to me
    isn’t growing
    on the wood slat ventillation
    of our teak cathedral sanctuary
    roundish, brownish, like raw dough
    it has been for three months or more
    the same size, surface of a dinner roll
    the same place, distance from center
    tender abstract seamless fungal
    too high for me to touch
    the holy infant
    of poetry

    //

    in memory of Oreithyia

    a pearl exposed
    on the one-way road
    demands a rocky throne
    her tritone howling
    unhinging the jewelry jaw
    its hunger pretending
    its hook line preclaiming
    lip angled by whether
    lost inseam unseemly loss
    the weightlessness of stone

    //

    anywhere but poppies

    it’s there
    her pane of a window
    passing passages

    the passing offer to carry
    ten thousand atomic lighters
    black specks on a braid of challah

    or liberate sweet nappers proper
    a chilli-laced hotpot, shiitakis, bok choy
    garlic, in the valley of compost boxes

    loose her transportive reliquaries, poultices
    dank delicious opacity compressed of air
    silkworms for the mundane pocket

    warm pillow for docket signifiers
    fingertips heavy with tawny heads
    inky notations with nowhere there

    to fly, but into the measure, slightly high
    pitched on a dry stone wall, for her
    a pinkish reddish hazy third, with leaves

    to breathe, past purple on the milky way
    eclipse, her eyelid, her lippy friend
    seamless tracing moving core

    //

    🌗

    medium close-up photo of vertical culms of bamboo, ones on the left of the image covered with complex growing formations of lichen and fungi

    lichen et alia //

    Pharmakeia’s triptych

    trippy destiny

    true story: in her salad bruising days
    her myspace name was like a prayer, Pharmakeia
    the profiled face was drawing of a death
    cap mushroom; well, consistency

    and every day a salad day
    and every day un po’ di morte

    today, when sniper scopes an urban label
    the same shaded and subtle botanical
    renderings pop up from top of neon heap
    left truffles for her canny little pig

    for snorts and tickles, yet
    a fact; and do you trust it

    //

    what marriage

    the maskmaker who daily carries her
    drew sigil gold and black on brown bag paper
    Al-Lateef—his soft likeness sleeping by her pillow
    beloved names for her beloved way

    what reck does come to find
    what wreck that came to ground

    as travelers witness landslides and inundations
    upheavals that by eagle’s eye the aftermath
    counts losses, failure, countlessness; what hand
    to brush a tawny cow, her long-lashed eyes

    what blinded word to see
    what marriage of then and now

    //

    big girl

    she sees, by name, the blue of heaven’s white
    behind how obvious a giantess
    the light, the light, it hurts to look at it
    so brightly shines a lofty signature

    built body born from Isis warm
    and catching form her dulcet veil

    some Aphrodites are, it’s said, too tall
    to be from brick wall read, too high to see
    by tools of masonry; how broad her arms
    great fools embracing sky of marbled earth

    her reckoning like reckless love
    big girl logician

    //

    🍄

    Socrates: (cont.) then i would wisely (sophein) declare that it was the wind itself of Boreas that thrust her down from the nearby rocks as she was playing with Pharmakeia

    // 229ξ

    εἶτα σοφιζόμενος φαίην αὐτὴν πνεῦμα Βορέου κατὰ τῶν πλησίον πετρῶν σὺν Φαρμακείᾳ παίζουσαν ὦσαι

    //

    Pharmakeia is not associated with a known mythological figure; her name means drug, remedy, poison, or witchcraft.

    //

    re invited / over hung

    well Lady Dionysia, re invited
    in his season of sacrificial eyes dilated
    regal and settle on spilled contents of purse
    the messy desmudging scene in the mirror
    shrugs

    re selfie up reckening too sour & sweet, ordinary
    melted candies mixed crispy noodles, common
    self wrecked reflux re bilious, re typical
    up curdled and scarlet venereal, my old
    porcelain friend

    encore, shredded mini still twists in the corner
    her demon skin shimmying, re woken wasted
    and wrestling names in the kayfabe reflection
    skin sizzle, sexy sorry, acid re self surrection
    and not Jesus
    or Mary

    over hung
    and rollover
    the cat scratches, blinks, laps pink paper sand
    paws curious and fickle underwire boy toy
    hooks prophesy like prey, her next skimpier suit
    barely feathered and nude in the pitiless bush

    says you will not die, but you ever mistrust
    it’s not poison, flushed affect of purpling fruit
    some feral double is trying on her rings
    Pharmakeia re titrating musical things

    as ripening earth is animal
    angel yet

    //

    🌖

    //

    (for disclosure
    i quit alcohol like
    back in the teens)

    **edited to capitalize the “L” in “Lady Dionysia”

    the horse’s mouth

    teloscopically, my dear, are we botany
    born reading leaves, the pricking fear of bees
    are talking, my lisp, or rearing wobbly nature
    what place, organs and bodies, this disease

    the shying seasons blowing through us, here
    parts animal in starts, quivering vibrations
    made artifacts suspect by cities, near
    or far, the accidents survived, the prisons

    that ended us; the motes and moths in teas
    our flicks or running rivers; wicked courses
    of understanding; what catastrophes
    what phase our faces, without the faith of horses

    you have to have a horse whose feet you trust
    to warn you when a snake is in the grass
    the serpentine who wants to be unseen
    repenting for her gemstone like an asp

    for forking tongues, a talisman is key
    but wear a hat, they’re speaking from the trees
    odd shrubberies are bristling with false friends
    a firecat bristling back can help with jinn

    mosquitoes here are vectors for torpedoes, so
    herbal experiment and/or gorilla war
    sometimes there’s one snake, sometimes there are more
    at least, no kind of viral is a pearl

    a tender canter, daemonic carousel
    remembered ribbons bite in ancient ways
    we play the venom clockwise in our veins
    we shed the dead redundancy of days

    my jungle is a dreadful-clever dreaming
    with shade-grown coffee, waterfalling views
    what godly voices animate my evening
    there’s none i’d rather jungle with than yous

    let’s nicker maps, reverb the mythic blues
    i spell, where y’all are going, where you been
    switch witches laughter with the beating rain
    the crickets will out-round the macet, friend

    to live outside the law, you must be honest
    Bismillahirrohmanirrohim
    by river dark, inside a wounded dawn
    we rhyme it, we just flow to make it rheme

    //

    (Dylan, my Prophetﷺ, Cohen, Cardi B, etc)

    //

    diet

    never too much
    garlic, carrot, oat
    sleep, cake

    but gingerly
    the fungi

    //

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