Ceremony
if still then
before the dawn
a certain rooster crows
by press of the unseen
a mountain moves
the same parade of crimes
and allegations
the same old song
of bruises going blues
if still then
then mercy for the heart
who skipped a step
to hold me by her news
//
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
so it is unseen (adelos) by them
(the many lovers)
if still then
they will be willing (boulomai)
to be beloveds (philoi)
// 232ε
ὥστε ἄδηλον αὐτοῖς
εἰ ἔτι τότε βουλήσονται φίλοι εἶναι
desert likeness //
desert habit
i leave
i keep leaving you
until i am your habit of leaving
and when you give me ways
like the unwilling
that i am
i breathe
for i am not
leaving scattered by the wind
so you keep me walking away
i will find your face
my love
//
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
and in other familiars (oikeios)
they come to be (gignomai)
experienced (empeiros)
// 232ε
καὶ τῶν ἄλλων οἰκείων ἔμπειροι ἐγένοντο
take a good look
take a good look
i said
arranging my body
for you to see
and safe here
as any animal
in the ruins of desire
take a good look
at the woman
you always leave behind
//
after Awḥad al-Dīn Kirmānī
//
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
and also
many of the lovers (eran)
hearts desire (epithumeein)
the body (soma)
before they come to know (gignoskein)
the turn (tropos)
// 232ε
καὶ μὲν δὴ τῶν μὲν ἐρώντων πολλοὶ πρότερον τοῦ σώματος ἐπεθύμησαν
ἢ τὸν τρόπον ἔγνωσαν
mothers
we are invited to mampir
so we visit many mothers
they serve us coffee and jajan
the mothers always cry for us
one of my first lessons was
the mothers always cry
all the rivers of this island
from the secret doors of sight
must be their tears
//
🌕
//
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
so there is much more hope (elpis)
for friendship (philia) for them
from the deed (pragma)
rather than hatred (echthra)
to be born (genesthai)
// 232δ
ὥστε πολὺ πλείων ἐλπὶς φιλίαν αὐτοῖς ἐκ τοῦ πράγματος
ἢ ἔχθραν
γενέσθαι
complications of the heart
from afar i survey
the horizon of your heart
there is a vast ocean
holding a single pearl
how it turns and turns in turns
from nearby i listen
and do things and try to sit still
in a hospital waiting room
in a foreign country where
i had hoped to hold your hand
but inside i succumb
to your polishing of tears
//
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
supposing (themselves)
to be looked down upon
by those (who would not)
and to be serviced (opheleisthai)
by the ones together-being
// 232δ
ἡγούμενοι ὑπ᾽ ἐκείνων μὲν ὑπερορᾶσθαι
ὑπὸ τῶν συνόντων δὲ ὠφελεῖσθαι
discipline
morning routines
i forgot to tell you
but i do them too
imagining the softness
my two hands
will find
too tempted
by the tantalizing touch
of your discipline
//
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
would not envy (phthoneein)
those who are together-being (suneinai)
but would hate (miseein)
those who would not (ethelein)
// 232δ
οὐκ ἂν τοῖς συνοῦσι φθονοῖεν
ἀλλὰ τοὺς μὴ ἐθέλοντας μισοῖεν
just you
the thunderstorm came and clapped
and passed through like gods
practicing my animal ears
until i could take a deep
and fearless nap
of dreams
i woke up wanting
just you
all over again
//
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
but however many
as happen (tugchanein)
not
(to be) loving (eran)
and otherwise
through excellence (arete)
passed through (prassen)
those they want (dein)
//
ὅσοι δὲ μὴ ἐρῶντες ἔτυχον
ἀλλὰ δι᾽ ἀρετὴν ἔπραξαν ὧν ἐδέοντο
//
this limasan is not a terror dream
(or how i came to Potro Joyo House)
strange and for a few years
maybe 2018 to 2022
(i moved to Indonesia in 2019)
i dreamed mostly about a flood
lately we live on the sawah
and i dream of earthquakes
(what happened in 2023 was
the dream to build a temple
transparently that is the one
that grabbed me by the throat
that was a hard-yanked chain
to re-make my heart pounding)
anyway i am in a skyscraper
(in tv cities like Philadelphia)
it starts to quake
the building sways as i rush down
the stairs or ladders or chutes or waterfalls
until i come spilling out into the street
well my dreams are hacks
last night as i ran out i looked up and saw
the tower sinuous begin to buckle
and bricks were busting a volcanic bubble
as i ran down the mountain to escape
the expanding smoke and debris
this limasan is not a terror dream
i do not wake up in a fright
(no real nightmares since U.S. America)
but they are disaster dreams
just now maybe like working it out
or making something from dream rubble
and last night it was a real earthquake
not too distant not too deep a 4.6
our home is a cathedral of teakwood
beloved architect vernacular
when it jiggles his bending pillars sound uncanny
old joints of salvage living in the ring of fire
//
the maskmaker writes
like gotong royong
& Hong Ulun Basuki Langgeng
🇮🇩
stranger like desire
you will come
into the desert
to know me
you will touch me like a stranger
as many strokes
as many surfaces
as many names
as many hungry palms
as your servant can carry
so empty this
your lick across the burning sand
electricity of my thirst
//
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
you will come (hekein)
into difference (diaphora)
with them
// 232δ
ἥξεις αὐτοῖς εἰς διαφοράν
//
red (palm) sugar
you will come
into the dessert
to taste them
you will eat fried plantains
ripened until soft and sweet
crunchy with red sugar
too hot for wasted time
i almost burn my tongue
flesh tender and yellow
greasy fingers with coconut
oil and sticky lips
but did you really
//
iced kepo
iced kepo is freshly-squeezed
orange juice with just-cracked
coconut water over ice
on a hot
day before the rain
comes
maybe the traffics religion is
theres something superficial
about s-e-x
//
(kepo also means gossip)
//
🌔
//
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
and if examining (skopeein)
what is your own
you have a thought (phroneein)
better than theirs
// 232δ
ἐὰν δὲ τὸ σεαυτοῦ σκοπῶν ἄμεινον ἐκείνων φρονῇς
connective tissue
in the human body
there is the hard
there is the soft
there is connective tissue
i feel for her
i let her flee
i let her come
around again we try
the valley reaches for
as many
as yet unnamed
as make it through her lips
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
so having persuaded you
to be hated
by these
they set you down
in a desert (eremia)
of loved ones (philos)
// 232δ
πείσαντες μὲν οὖν ἀπεχθέσθαι σε τούτοις
εἰς ἐρημίαν φίλων καθιστᾶσιν
//
the beloveds embrace (on fitnah)
so having persuaded you
to be hated
by these
they set you down
in a desert
heart
to show the tranquility
of gold
by fire
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
and of ones who possess (ktaomai)
some other good
they guard (phulassein)
the power (dunamis)
of each
// 232ξ
τῶν δὲ ἄλλο τι κεκτημένων ἀγαθὸν
τὴν δύναμιν ἑκάστου φυλάττονται
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
and (fearing)
those who have been educated (paideuein)
that they would become (gignomai)
stronger (kreisson)
by togetherness (sunesis)
// 232ξ
τοὺς δὲ πεπαιδευμένους μὴ συνέσει κρείττους γένωνται
//
so i light a stick of the good dupa
then i explore your tender body for chora
gently gratified
i make a note for the future
the cave moment
i find myself re-enacting the moment
i place my hand palm out and fingers spread
as if to touch the limestone interior
then i pretend to take some liquid ochre in my mouth
and purse my lips and pfff — spit it
across the imaginary surface
and as i do i taste the tastelessness of mud
like the hermetic chamber of the cave
becomes a rock-womb for our trembling
then i examine my hand with its fingers spread
for any sign of change
i see that everything has changed
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
fearing
those who possess (ktaomai)
property (ousia)
that they would overshoot (huper-ballein) them
with possessions (chremata)
/
fearing
those who possess (ktaomai)
being (ousia)
that they would overshoot (huper-ballein) them
with sembako (chremata)
// 232ξ
φοβούμενοι τοὺς μὲν οὐσίαν κεκτημένους
μὴ χρήμασιν αὐτοὺς ὑπερβάλωνται
//
inspired by this
how can a knot
someday we can visit
the cave on Muna Island
to see the ancient rock art
the coffee cup
the pencil
a lock of hair
these things pass through your hand
and terrify me
with their solidity
your grasp of the vast and empty
and i by my vanity
struck silent
my brown egg cracked
by press of feather
into the dawn
or
my blue marble warming
into the seventy-thousand-year-old pocket
of your stencilled intention
Phaedrus: (as Lysias, cont.)
because of which they turn away (apo-trepein)
the loved ones’ (eran)
communing together (sun-ousia)
with others
// 232ξ
διόπερ καὶ τὰς πρὸς τοὺς ἄλλους τῶν ἐρωμένων συνουσίας ἀποτρέπουσιν