Woke up to terrible news about someone from my past. A trusted person was not to be trusted. (According to longstanding rumor, brought to harsh light of day.) Questions now. Was I ever in danger? (Yes.) Should I have known? (I did have a feeling. A weird feeling of discomfort.) Should I have done something? (I did do something: I distanced myself. I put up a wall. I had no account of anything happening. I blamed my uneasy feeling on myself. Felt guilty for listening to it.) There were many vague rumors. (Neither can you trust rumors… I didn’t want to spread gossip.) I feel deceived. (He deceived all of us? Except for the victims, I guess. I’ve not yet heard their accounts.) I hope the victims are healing, can heal. (A decades-long violation of trust.)
Memories, polished smooth over time, must be dug up, re-shaped. That will be a process.
Also: A shitstorm happening on (that niche of) social media, I guess. (A. wrote, “you are smart not to be on f-cebook.”) (This, here, is my “public statement”?) I was tempted for a minute, but, gross. I’ve had enough. No anger left. (Only sadness.) It all hurts too badly. And an institution that I almost admired (Am I still so naive?) is utterly besmirched.