…hard to imagine the intensity of their cognitive dissonance, or to say what it’s done to your brother, the experience and trauma of fighting in Ukraine (being there involuntarily? being the aggressor? witnessing atrocities? participating in atrocities? fending for himself without adequate training or support? etc.?), and then almost dying. Hard to imagine somebody you love going through that. Forced to play somebody else’s war game.
It may just solidify your family’s support for Putin’s war. As you say, “he is the hero.” A high price to pay for loyalty to the boss…
It isn’t your fault. None of it is. You’re stuck in the terrible theater of a political regime that is choking its citizens, eliminating trust, breaking families and friendships with no mercy. You have made your own sacrifices, are showing your own strength, your own heroism. Even if your family can’t see or admit this, it’s true.
It is possible to love and support your family from afar at the same time as you oppose Putin’s war. Because your family is not your enemy and you are not theirs. The propaganda is designed to make it feel that way, but it isn’t true. Love is the most important thing, and solidarity between the better parts of ourselves, so that the better parts can survive. Love can find a way.
That’s easy for me to say, I’m not great at listening to that myself…
(From a message to a friend // edited.)