Fish

    lipsblum and parfum ooze

    the cherries fell and placed their fingerprints
    between my feet like small mouths of a month
    of its here its a bloody wee well of a red whale
    her fluke-petals strewn long the grey and white tile

    and smudge of a moth in the blossoms to clear
    but im always her hem and im on the sore brink
    of love with the let-jet and inky-bruise style of it
    like my pussy would write her own un-willing book

    would underwear-stain me an avant-garde blotch
    of enfant terrible for primordial brood
    elsewhere wind-egg dramatic and lithe acrobatic
    some brown-wise residuum to raging en rouge

    sex-flowing battle and kiss-knowing cramp
    my blew-brewing worm of verbage vole-damp
    a crescendo howled in my bowling-ball clamp
    and how you offered to switch off the lamp

    so i wouldnt need to move at all
    so i lie lust-fallow-unfastened at last for now
    and i shower near the violet melati that you grow
    with slugs softly tucked in a wet toilet paper roll

    //

    🌖

    //

    after
    the easy way out
    saucy
    like a bruise
    cherry
    &c

    & the maskmaker
    who called lip balm that

    mere eidolon

    photo at the beach of sea water washing up over black and golden sand and making a pattern of foam like animal print

    at sundown when you disappear
    like death is an unbroken sound
    my dark thought into your empty pockets
    an oyster swallowed

    //

    ahistorical fast

    you come to me with your fishing game
    your hunger for hunger
    i might bite

    to stir the turmoil of that famous ocean
    the subtle friction between his loves
    our pretty little law

    your holding vibrates like a plucked string
    all beauties of the past
    swallowed

    //

    whos a good

    i heard a rumor about myself
    from you or my long-lost
    referential tendency

    the scent just strange
    like a far-flung purpose
    with charred edges

    remarkable love
    mighty hobbler
    good nature

    //

    ache

    daikon & rice vinegar
    & kopi & key lime pie
    & something i don’t recognize
    and everything else
    ive eaten at iftar

    and everybody laughing
    at my stomach-ache

    because they know

    //

    Indras net (what belongs to the familiar)

    around her head a sardine circlet
    around her foot mortality
    around her voice a glittering corset
    around her heart a memory

    she reflected on the dawnlight
    she was setting in her place
    she looked sober in the photo
    but you couldn’t see her face

    eye for eye and cell to cell
    did you knot me to be brave
    did you tie me from a shoestring
    toss my frame across the wave

    name the garnet in my cherry
    your horizon on the deep deep wine
    as i lost count of drowning
    for the promise of a rhyme

    for your blessed rage to swallow
    i was waiting at the altar
    and a pearl was burning bitter-sweet
    when i tasted your salt water

    when i saw you in the restaurant yesterday
    and you finally appeared
    Indras net was drawing closer
    Indras net was catching tears

    when you saw that i was deadly
    when you wrote my rib in two
    i was made and i was unmade
    to make better love to you

    and every lace undoing
    to find the heart of sand
    and every mark to fill the worth of a blade
    with the imprint of her hand

    and every glass was melting thunder
    to the predatory corner
    and a little death for the purities of power
    to the mountain out her window

    to the wildflowers evening color
    to the sky and sea and weather
    to the darker voice that rose
    to the horses all untethered

    she heard it was one million
    she heard one million seven
    the circle dreamed it would be easy
    the fishes knew it would be heaven

    you know my situation
    you know what keeps me here
    you know ocean is an islands final word
    and what belongs to the familiar

    //

    lyrics for conscience round
    music and idea from angles morts

    adaddy (of lies)

    she sings full coverage seashells for sirens
    on oceans stews of roiling fatted wine
    she forks her sunset locks for nobody
    her cockled chains abreast the silvered brine

    she quacks and its a salty bouillabaisse
    a diddys rouille on croutons midnight crime
    she lays to bed adaddy of earthquakes
    her morning simmering the sky star-peppered

    //

    lemon & roses

    //

    🌘

    wavery

    as veils in stages of a jellyfish
    under glassy bladder of saran-wrapped water
    albumen tissue met me in a wavery voice
    a bloated organ tuning waterlight

    her kind of swollen onion brining into pores
    pale polyps in sea-shade for layers of depth
    interior velarium of blue-open cells
    just cusp enough for what medusas left

    ancient ephemeral bauble belle and shallow
    until some lashes numbs or swells or swallows
    some silken parachute wrinkles or ruffles
    for letting in salinity tasting a pulse

    the adolescent suffering of swollen lips
    the stung puppet who pouted on that fishy face
    the unrequited sag of kissing puffy pain
    the burn of cross-dressing as crosses again

    the magdalening of a metaphor
    her sticky hooks for whatever pickled
    potato fish was named the future we cradled
    by our other cells like infant dates for takjil

    these oral arms reach down and up into the translucent sac
    a nexus of neon veins of pink drinking violet
    blown iris lightning guts vermillion seams aflame
    like sex or ancient theater or a peachy disco dream

    one common mouth for going out and in
    one ladder up and down the bodys bluing appetite
    one hunger never to escape itself
    one conduit of oceans endless iteration

    to wake up tangled tentacles around an island
    where coffee was shade-grown and golden-drifted we
    ink-bled as cursive in a convoluted colony
    of silvery crescents hunting on the current

    where half the word was raging against chains
    if we weren’t as transparent as we seemed
    the rest would eat a cliché well to sing
    who stings to life and floats by sea-found undulations

    //

    special delivery

    smooth now, that rough magic
    periscopic tragic midnight lookout

    pale arms out arctic like an exiled
    penguin into the nameless city

    coping, cold, gauze in a sand storm
    laron flicker in the mighty dust

    a turning ember, hot
    spark-caught, gold-litter

    in the spider web
    spanning a rattan lamp shade

    my one fish, two fish
    her peacock greenish-black or blue

    the switch, dangling
    sarcophagus

    so dead; quothe the neon miracle
    off-gassing meatlight; or Lalah

    pink, with only enough instinct
    to kill and never eat, my baby, yes;

    deveining ribbons in the snow, scrubbed
    scrubbing, awash in the darkroom; or

    backstage, up rusty rungs, like icicles; blanket
    of rags, pocket of candy-wrapped pills; she goes

    like gamelan trancing crickets at the cross
    by tilem, smoke of incense over the sawah

    //

    on pleasure: infrastructure & invective

    by pan, by puck or by Tokyo toilet, by Pan’s
    eye polyamorous, polyvoracious maw
    what briarpatch you calliper, sister sufficiency
    or savage desire, oh my, this bidet enak

    //

    but i say more, if words be granted girls
    or fish freeze-dried and rendered fatty string
    O let me be your hollow chocolate, gold tinfoil
    your lie swum-in for truth, your magic trick

    O let me be soggy sashimi, porn under plastic
    and when did pleasure stop witnessing the true
    when angled by the tower’s unfunny retinue
    ripe plums made massacre, her metaphor for you

    and what does every girl hold in her heart
    or breathing torn from her before she’s two
    her body, pleasure, joy — inalienable
    if pearl, self-mediation from the start

    since when is iron more your shape than living flesh
    and how long since eternal became momentary, dense
    in you, who shimmers through your translucent skin
    and whose name do you call when taken by the wind

    and does your lover slice and plate your fruit
    as offering, for light, cat, goddess spread out in bed
    the ocean take what verb you use, cliché or clamshell hid
    but give Aphrodite her fucking due

    //

    diptych oceanic amechanica

    hysteriac at home

    woe! i am a not altogether fortunate woman
    my pocket seams with potsherds polishing
    a bag of skin trailing portentous signs
    and i am broken news, my sand is yellow

    to find my edge, i walk into the sea
    her seaweed briarpatch of gorgons birth
    surrendered sky by pegasi recovery
    as mermaids sing flat edges for my shanty

    woe! her thanatos uncanny, even for me
    the horizon roars for blessing every line
    shore smashing every bauble blending shades
    soft seashells made tangible the breast of ocean

    and time is a tangent tracing its beloved snail
    and the cradle failing of her continental tail
    and she is drawing, drawing, under seasons wax
    pink salty glowing in her seamless milk cocoon

    woe, woe! my every mask a bending earth
    reflowing throng of placeless impossibility
    and desires every glance she didn’t chase yet
    my marbles rolling in her depthless pocket

    //

    uteri

    get em hot
    skim cooling

    like sumber bor
    in 12 hrs or more
    chocolate lava cake
    stone melting

    tropic shiver
    truly your

    earth dwelling
    tacky decor
    tasteless tasty

    ova in—
    ice tailor—
    screaming

    wicked

    //

    . . .

    oh no!

    dessert
    amazing

    1, 2, 3, ho!

    smashing
    to order

    . . .

    //

    the lost marble & spice trade

    the lost marble

    news is, bad flooding in Sumatra; so i
    put down my pen, examine my hands
    and feel myself a chimpanzee that lost
    its marble by these ten irresoluble things

    compulsion as a typhoon turns its form
    an eye that cannot hear; in filthy flux
    a child clings to the minaret of a mosque
    i have no word to turn it from its path

    is every child the same across the globe
    a digit hugging-to against the storm
    inherent heart against the deafening blow
    an act of curling tight to one held poem

    so poet-magus turns her glass from one
    true child to ten imaginary orphans just—
    as here, as typhoon where, and whether i
    was drowning in the sum of what they did

    there was a marble somewhere in the mud
    ten fingers prying ceaselessly for air
    don’t let me be the word to cause a flood
    don’t turn me like an eye without an ear

    //

    diptych
    of survival
    InsyaAllah

    //

    spice trade

    you know we taste the weather of a word
    or housewife by her sambal, like bitter salt
    this kitchen hell and getting warmer, mad
    desires to let out; adventuring to eat

    a journey to her inward, fine-tuning cook
    is converse travel whereby stirring builds
    a tragic tongue to name her worldly khas
    enchanting handfuls for like memory cast

    seduction; spice trade, her nightly shedding veil
    far-fishing season monger Sheherazade
    queen turning by tantalized infinities
    survivor storming mercy from the heat

    //

    Helena at the mirror

    i want 2 read Aristotle
    with u
    in private
    in Greek

    i want 2 show u every word
    i want us 2 go slow and thorough
    i want 2 find the perfect way
    words right thru until tomorrow

    first the physics, then the ones
    that come after the ones on physics
    parts of animals before poetics
    the lost books of poetics, too

    O beloved flood of words
    can we read clock-
    wise and counter-
    at once?

    πολλαχῶς λέγεται τὸ ὄν

    and don’t f—k it up

    //

    back in her bones, an animal holds
    or is held by or stretched by
    or broken or taken or raped by
    or mended by the word

    dismembering that ended carcass
    and read like knives the one-way road
    apart, a mince of sentences
    by university of butchers

    by that unkind yet counting world
    where have they tipped the ante yet
    i tremble to look at it
    switching tabs to the deadly news

    so walking the ramparts; yes, and
    the corpses i see, or telegraphic
    trick, the Sphinx’s vexing prize
    that riddle i still can’t remember

    //

    and would we take up arms
    against the legendary walls
    of Troy, discrete infinities
    by logic of desire

    by Tyndarean oath
    soulquaking fear
    kinsplitting lust
    or unendurable rage

    and would we, trembling
    turn the word around our grief
    with blinded eyes, who work
    the catastrophes of love

    //

    and who was she, her silk slippers
    silent across the golden floor
    the guarded pit of destined apple
    lily white eye of the bloody storm

    her syllables locked in a jewelry box
    the whole word, world-ending woman
    wordsmith of disinterested tools
    worldsmith of sterile fiction

    if she could only work it through
    her desperate clarity for water
    self remembering un-working war
    a verb for herself wrung clean

    but how she loved and if she did
    then would she trust herself by daylight
    and could she stand a beautiful nude
    Helena at the mirror

    //

    and would we return true again
    victorious from Troy
    unbent, discrete infinities
    by logic of desire

    by twists and turns
    by Hades passage
    in our angry season
    and Agamemnon, dead

    and would we, trembling
    turn the word around marriage bed
    with blinded eyes, who work
    the catastrophes of love

    //

    our organism element
    our weaving waiting whom to see
    low past the meadow, nettling
    the rising and setting sun

    the leaves are falling as you love
    to be making music until sleep
    from infant inhalation through
    a rousing breath of song

    these outward limbs are turning one
    and inward twelve again, like pain
    as stirring deep the earthy cauldron
    bedroom of a virgin dream

    and see the carp still strumming nerve
    around the liquid shield for her
    a flaming champion of rest
    in the rolling river sphere

    //

    i want 2 b the brilliant word
    with u
    in the grove
    approaching evening

    she measures limbs of me by bird
    my tragedy like comedy
    she murders for imperfect love
    and laughing plays me gently dead

    as floating messengers of grass
    deliver specks of sparkling pollen
    to flutter nymphian hurricanes
    and suckle clumsy in the flowers

    do u know her now; of cursed word
    flown round, pre-history again
    swan daughter shining, self less law
    of no returns, like poetry

    ὦ φίλε Φαῖδρε, ποῖ δὴ καὶ πόθεν;

    u b her lover 2

    //

    don’t b mad
    at my posterior
    analytics 4 u

    hills of empties
    not 2 much
    & watch it thru

    //

    selamat hari raya Kuningan🌾

    piscean field

    i dreamed i was a carp swimming in the moat
    that runs around the bedroom catching raindrops
    and you were watching me; i was pearlescent
    moon-colored with orange spots, moving swiftly

    and my slits are liquid lungs into my ears
    my curves are cool and clear, my eyes lidless
    and i have swallowed plants and animals
    of increasing scope and dignity, growing swollen

    and fleeting undulant, your vision touching
    my sunspots flashing heat, turning fiery
    and i was fishing flames beneath the flowing stream
    my scales a watery brightness and a warmth

    nobody could put me out, the thunder, the storm
    your atmospheric range was permeated light
    and i was breathing it, my gills touching silver
    my veils a golden breeze, piscean field of pleasure

    i remember jasmine in the ghosted air
    and thicker even than the empire of frogs
    the bellows of your eyes, how they inflame
    my heart, and what catastrophes you initiate in me

    //

    🌒

    //

    O honey my
    hidden shining
    & my ovening

    //

    semi-nude for a photo album

    their birthday was the other night
    the girls were going out; the grift
    delayed by getting ready; gift
    of tangled, sappy rattan; caused a fright

    pan, she burned some flowers on you
    meta-burban, real dream for two
    polaroid tacky, pantries full
    of shady tatters, curtain bulls

    sister, it was no dress for winter
    but they were grown enough to drink
    something fancy from the blender
    fermented guava, lava lake

    lavender flannel, camisole
    white linen sheets, hung in the sun
    nigel and sandi, mel and sue
    genre-bender, Java won

    high horse, he has a song for you
    but i’ll save it for another tone
    her sweaty practice, overdue
    vinyasa, tapas, organ brew

    dizzy lizzy ate some rice
    eat, pray, love, the antichrist
    jihadi, mum’s worst nightmare
    Gandhi, papa’s burnt-off limb

    inter-dimensional makeout queen
    Osaka airport, caused a scene
    village gossip, words above
    she’s never catching up on love

    not quite posh, but pulp turned through
    realism, my lands, god knew
    so sliced the flippin' longitude
    bless her heart and come on in

    agrimony henbane dish
    too-schooled harpy hysterical
    raised pie of huckleberry fish
    turned river-liver radical

    there’s mantra in the air tonight
    what kue set in sangga stone
    rise with the moon, the howling dog
    the crone, her voice memorial

    white-footed goat is coming home
    to graze by fiery sunset view
    the desert camel, bringing bones
    with mother Durga, chest tattoo

    a secret pocket of soil and spice
    elaborate belty-thing, rhizomes in knots
    not big enough for where you think
    whether it is cake

    //

    (wants cake)

    //

    texas talkin blues, like this
    vernacular from full moon 5/11
    genius loci, pura dalem
    blog 2-yr anniverse & job well done

    //

    tea

    a perfect orb is held by accident
    the lip of cup, the curve of base, the lint

    a maker measures leaves but never takes
    the horizon, the fertile mountain-slope

    a home in hand is seasoning for leaves
    the dance, the steeping scene, the taste of rest

    as takers, we fish out the wayward ant
    to see if it can walk; it often does

    the wanderer needs shelter from the rain
    the angry, aching poverty of time

    i give the moon, i take the moon, she says
    who is the moon; composting circumspect

    the softest earthquake breaks a mirror still
    what tender for the heart of liquid sky

    //

    🌔

    Needleworker

    Pierce me once—the crying; pierce me twice—
     The dying; pierce me thrice—my laughing tomb:
    This quivering feline skin, some kind of lark,
     Sharp noise, felt aerial, fled human wound.
    O Queequeg, Lucy’s love, my Nobody!
     Unmake ambergris soufflé to scrap and salt;
    Pets, lapping shattered tiramisu, whet
     Our mongrel tongues; embroidering the asp.
    Bull-revelry, before we dance the waltz?
     Your sutra swans around my ichthyan lisp,
    To charm the vipers out—that feather in
     Your bonnet inks my tapestry with bone.
    I move to tiger with you on the cusp
     Of animality, that golden-threaded throne.

    //

    🌘

    Lessons from the puputan

    cw: (historical) political violence and suicide.

    Another passage from Revolusi (David van Reybrouck), on the Balinese puputan of the early 1900s:

    “More horrifying still were the scenes in Bali, where in 1906 and 1908 the complete courts of a number of principalities chose to commit collective suicide (puputan). Hundreds of men, women and even children walked straight towards the Dutch rifles and artillery. They were dressed in traditional white garments and carried only staffs, spears and the finely wrought traditional daggers called krises. ‘The rat-a-tat-tat of gunfire went on, the fighting grew fiercer, people fell on top of each other and more and more blood flowed.’ A pregnant Balinese woman was one of the few who lived to tell the tale. ‘Persisting in passionate fury, men and women advanced, standing up for the truth without fear, to protect their country of birth, willing to lay down their lives.’ The KNIL [Dutch] soldiers couldn’t believe their eyes: women hurled their jewellery at them mockingly, courtiers stabbed themselves with their daggers and died, men were mown down by cannons. The wounded were put out of their misery by their relatives, who were killed in turn by the Dutch bullets. Then the colonial army plundered the corpses. In the puputan of 1906, an estimated 3,000 people died. ‘The battlefield was completely silent, aside from the rasp of dying breath and the cries for help heard from among the bodies.’

    “And this event, too, has left traces. In December 2017 I travelled around a near-deserted Bali. Mount Agung’s volcanic rumblings had put a stop to tourism for the time being, and in the ancient capital of Klungkung, I found the desolate ruin of the royal palace. It had been destroyed after the puputan of 1908. ‘My grandpa, Dewa Agung Oka Geg, was there that day,’ said Tjokorda Gde Agung Samara Wicaksana, the crown prince of Klungkung. We were sitting in the new palace, opposite the ruin, and drinking tea. It was Saturday and his servants had gone home; he had made the tea himself. ‘The puputan of Klungkung was the very last one. After that, Bali was entirely subject to Dutch authority. My grandfather was only thirteen years old and nephew to the king.’ Almost the entire royal family died; the king and the first prince in the line of succession were killed, the king’s six wives stabbed themselves to death with krises, and 200 courtiers followed their example or were murdered. ‘But my grandpa survived.'”

    It isn’t emphasized in front of tourists—the hedonistic hordes landing on Bali every day, who come for sprawling villas, endless traffic jams, cheap labor, and the monetization and destruction of the island’s natural and cultural resources. But the Balinese valiantly, fiercely resisted Dutch colonial control. They did so, notably, by puputan.

    I’m not sure it would make any difference, if tourists were universally informed about the puputan. The days even of pretense seem to be gone. Ubud has transformed into an urban shopping complex, bloated by money, overrun by beach bodies. We rarely go there anymore, the traffic and high prices make it inaccessible. Locals have converted family homes to expensive boutiques, restaurants, and villas. Foreign-catering establishments occupy an upper echelon of public space, not unlike colonial resorts in the Dutch East Indies. These fantasy realms are inaccessible and undesirable to most working-class Indonesians, whose labor builds them, whose work is to wait on and serve the foreigners. Ubud, like Canggu and Kuta before it, has been smothered by gentrification.

    But my fantasy is that everyone is always remembering the puputan. These acts of solidarity are still alive—I know it—deep in the meaning of this island. We, following the Balinese, make offerings to the ancestors, in a sangga at our house, to show that we remember. And the mountain holds the memory.

    The puputan are a testament to a people and a place.

    //

    Now, Love—An abrupt change of topic? no—Love is difficult. I’m not sure it’s possible to love, outside of a context such as this.

    In my life, I have found it difficult to feel contentment in love. As soon as I feel a moment of contentment, I watch it happen—I’m gripped with terror at the thought that my beloved will die and be lost to me forever. I’m inundated by images of death—mine, his, that unthinkable loss. Love is terrifying because loss is terrifying.

    My husband (E) has always stated, plainly, his conviction that he will be there waiting for me, in the next life, and that we will live, in the afterlife, together forever. This is the deal, the very basis of our marriage—our marriage is truer than death. And it lends courage to love.

    I say to myself—“You needed to find someone who believed in monsters, to find someone who could believe in you.” Well, E was that person. He believes. Drunk off his imaginative capacity, I stopped disbelieving too. So at our house, we believe in Wewe Gombel, Kuntilanak, Tuyul, and countless others. There are more monsters and ghouls and djin and demons and mer-folk than I ever expected. It’s amazing. I believe in all of them!

    And if I ever feel a moment of cleverness, superiority, or doubt, concerning the reality of a ghost or spirit, I remember—I myself am the most dubious of all. I am, very truly, the dubious one! It’s a miraculous kind of bargain. I suspend disbelief in Wewe Gombel, and I suspend disbelief in myself. I couldn’t do it without E, I’d never heard of Wewe Gombel before him.

    That’s the grim overtone to a deeper harmony. What I also needed, was not just someone who believed in monsters, but someone who believed in mercy. I had booksmarts coming out of my eyeballs, but I didn’t know anything about mercy, until I met my husband. Mercy, itself a kind of monstrous irrationality, had also been unbelievable to me.

    //

    Cut to the dialogue, Plato’s Phaedrus. A relevant passage comes later in the text than where I am now. And yet the text is simultaneous with itself (unlike the blog). Here, it pierces into the beating heart. To paraphrase, from memory—and I’ll stop vouching for accuracy here, because why should I?—Socrates says he has no time for a skeptical inquisition against mythical beings, as being true or false, fact or fiction. His Wewe Gombel is Boreas, the North Wind, storied to have abducted Oreithyia, a maiden princess. He has no time, because he doesn’t yet know, of himself, whether he is full of rage, like a Typhon, or capable of mercy, partaking in the divine.

    The imperative, more urgent than doubt, is of divine provenance—Know thyself—and credited to the oracle at Delphi.

    The dialogue, having arrived at its poetically designated place—in the shade of a platanos tree—hints at things: that Socrates is, in his living truth, a mythical being; that Socrates is a character in a poem, of dubious reality; that Socrates is a monster. If Socrates doesn’t know, then how would we? Did, or does, the poet know? And if I fail to know Socrates, shall I forget myself?

    Maybe so. And if I am so unsure of myself, then by what desire and on what grounds shall I interrogate the truth of anything else? Am I only a monster, for monsters, reading a monstrous poem, written by a monster, about monsters?

    Is it monsters at war, this very poem, or is it a creature of mercy?

    These become inevitable and appropriate questions in this dramatic context, as Socrates and Phaedrus have left Athens. They have exited the city walls, in a poem that was written, historically, not long after Athens was defeated by Sparta and overtaken by the thirty tyrants; not long after Athens put Socrates on trial and killed him. That death also was a kind of suicide. And history bleeds into the poem.

    Now, we find ourselves in a lovely fantasy—is it the poet’s? Socrates and Phaedrus, for the purpose of the poem, are leisurely wanderers, or an infatuated lover pursuing his flighty beloved (two competing interpretations of the same dramatic action), beyond an unstable and oppressive political reality.

    And look—the questions out here are different than the ones in there.

    If the city serves as a container for self-knowledge, in the form of Justice, Virtue, or even the Good, what happens when you leave that container? How does anybody leave behind their city, and its laws, without becoming utterly lost? And what when the city crumbles, and a person survives? What basis is there for self-knowledge, if a human being is, as in this paradisical afterlife of the poem, an on the way thing?

    This question of human nature reflects the personal identity of the poet—exiled, abroad, otherwise absent—from a failing democracy. When there is no city to support or to limit you; when the laws have lost their definitive hold, by unlikely accident, a miracle, an error in your favor; or when they have destroyed the very foundation of their claim to Justice—who or what might you become? What is left for you to be?

    And why would you carry this poem in your pocket?

    //

    My husband and I have a pair of matched krises, these sacred daggers. They were passed down to E through his grandfather. Each has a wood sheath carved around it. These are ceremonial krises, not big dangerous daggers. And still, they feel heavier in the hand from the steel inside. His is smooth and broad, with a face like an inquisitive fish. Mine—witch-made, I am told, specifically for a woman—is sheathed in sandalwood, shaped like a bodkin, with a slender, split hoof at the end of the handle. E gave it to me after we married. I had a general idea of their meaning, like an athame. But I had never made the connection with puputan.

    My kris fell into my lap, as these things do. Now it sits in my bedside table, mundanely inherited, more-or-less imposing its presence. Now, who is the instrument of whom?

    Histories are alive with mythical animals. Always on the way, through wildernesses, we glimpse clearer selves—ours, theirs; past, present. Lightning flashes as responsibility in the dark. We follow the shining; that is love. We are seized by the wind, over edges of cliffs, bearing witness—to what? As unable to save others, as we are ourselves, we become unknown, are dead and gone, living among immortals. Any of these, or all.

    So the pen takes lessons from the puputan. A kris is an instrument of truth as freedom, the life of exit, wholeness through cutting. The blade makes a container for the uncontained. Clad in white, tossing its jewels at tyrants, bleeding itself into self-possession—

    Poetry is the puputan of logos.

    //

    breathtakes

    idea for the public-facing garden

    three fates
    with gigantic anime
    boobies

    Clotho
    Lachesis
    Atropos

    dewi
    of some
    stranger land,

    bodies carved
    painstakingly
    in wood

    are set

    to rule a while
    from garden,
    rambling

    flowers bracelet
    round their
    skinny limbs

    bending over
    facing up
    as if to see

    the water aspect
    of they and their
    bosoms reflected

    pornographic
    sanded and grainy
    thread-makers,

    rippling

    serene cut
    in glassy pond
    of koi

    //

    snow white turning

    has the twinkle ever
    been for nothing
    more than

    to leave
    a loving
    artifact

    to make
    a deathless
    hen,

    whose faith outpaced
    her season’s augury

    this fruit is sticky
    stretchy,
    furious

    its nectar possessed
    of Lethean ambience

    my arms are glittering
    swans, my pillows
    pur de lait, my eyes
    are royal-blooded
    blue navé, my dreams

    are dialogues
    of dolphins

    how can she
    believe the verbs
    you writ, when all
    you tender-left

    were winterscape, or
    sidereal tongue-
    traps, of snowmen

    that psychedelic night,
    she sapped the wine
    and stole the spade

    howl-lit, she went
    digging

    in mud of your
    decaying spring
    for word-eaten
    bodies

    to meet
    the gristled
    marrow

    to touch and leave
    fingerprints
    melting
    on tongue

    rose red grows
    from a hollow bone

    while moon-
    shot belladonna
    is kissing cousins

    with bull-horned
    hemlock, reckless
    and honest

    //

    labor

    the rain is heavy
    sopping slapping shattering
    goldfish dimension

    water bristling
    the cats in barbed corners
    are hiding, hissing

    nobody
    shares shelter
    in the emergency

    i am under roof
    imagining
    a lazy woman


    //

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